Live strong.

English has always been one of my favorite subjects, because it foments me to think wider than I could have imagined. My immense interest in this class seems not evident however because of my negligent classroom behavior and a defective work ethic. Perhaps external factors like the early timeslot, and the infamous Katipunan traffic provoke these faults, but I still blame nothing but myself.

Ever since grade school, I’ve been plagued with bad habits of slouching, yawning and sleeping in class. The non-conformist part of me back then did not care if these lenient habits would demerit me from a deportment award. I thought back then that I was just being true to myself. No pretensions. What everyone sees is what everyone gets. If I was pissed, everyone around me would sense it and thus ending up being pissed also. I was weak at hiding my irrational moods. As I’ve observed, I’ve brought this unlady-like behavior to college. Little did I know that a simple slouching and yawning would reflect my upbringing and integrity. Character development is best depicted in simplest ways like how I sit and converse with other people. More importantly, respect to authority is best shown by practicing proper decorum. I’ve learned this lesson quite recently; and I’ve been working on it.

To be brutally honest, I didn’t know what to write here at first because despite all the discouraging factors aforementioned, I still manage to make it to class and submit requirements on time. My slouching problem could be applicable to anyone; some people in the classroom might have even done worse than I did. I didn’t think I’ve done a grave act of disrespect in this class until recently.  That moment was when I crammed my final research paper in one and a half day before its deadline. My drafts were pretty much a mess mainly because of arising pressures of passing my math subject. I focused on this 6-unit subject too much to the point of procrastinating the drafts the night and dawn before the peer review sessions. The worse of it all,  I wasn’t able to polish it until the weekend before the submission day.

That weekend had been the most malevolent yet in my college life. I had gotten a research paper to overhaul, a report to write in another subject, plus a massive migraine to drive me nuts. My unyielding engrossment in the topic had been dominated by my poor time management. I’d let distractions steer me away from doing a quality paper. More concretely, I’d stumbled upon a lot of interesting videos and articles about Philippine politics that were irrelevant to my paper. However, I still made sure that I abide by the guidelines from my teacher and the book to ensure a high grade. A small part of me was complacent because I’ve done a lot of cramming in the past years, and I still managed to pull those off. The greater part, on the other hand, was saying something had gone terribly wrong.

Worry had been fidgeting my knees upon submitting my research paper. Everyone but me enjoyed the soothing relief of concluding a three-month worth of hardwork.  I was on a high at first — excited to deliver my best in the paper about my genuine interest. Throughout that day, I kept on asking myself: “How did I let myself finish it off that way?”. I was thinking that nothing could provide me solace to this regret but perhaps another opportunity to polish my paper, which I fortunately got weeks after. I couldn’t believe it; my prayers of a chance to rectify my mistakes were answered. I will not blow it off this time.

Bad habits are carcinogenic to character development. If not detected and cured early, these would cause life-threatening damages in our system. My declining performance in a subject I love is caused by terminal carcinogens in forms of a lax decorum and procrastination. Small transgressions like this should be corrected immediately before further impairment. I learned not to let these faults overwhelm the joy in learning.