I intentionally didn’t come up with a New Year’s resolution this because just like in the previous years, I would end up copy-pasting it from one abandoned blog to the current. Just like what I’ve said, I’m an expert in planning, but a failing student in execution.
That’s exactly what I want to change about myself, sans the definite time frame. I’d like to work on my commitment issues to my various goals towards excellence and happiness. I diagnose myself with, in colloquial term, ningas kugon. Such local idiom is a bad Filipino trait of declining enthusiasm at a task or a certain objective.
I told myself to read eight pages of literature everyday; I did for a week. I once told myself to do 200 sit-ups everyday to eliminate my growing tummy fat; I obliged for three days. I told myself to stop being petty and ignore everyone’s annoying quirks; I unfortunately never followed myself.
Strong commitment is what I need to stop disappointing myself. One common misconception of commitment is confinement. It definitely won’t cloister nor hinder me from other options; but instead, it will sharpen my leverage and clear my thoughts. It will therefore liberate me from uncertainties, and know my priorities. This principle takes huge investment of discipline and passion, but I know I will go places beyond my reach if I master this.
Another big dilemma I’m in at the moment is to answer this question: What do I really want? I have to no idea where to commit in a long-term basis. There are actually three different fields I’m interested in. One is the pragmatic, the one that I think I’m good at; the other is the bad-ass fun; the last one is what I think the most fulfilling. Other people are saying that I should just jump on the latter, and believe me…I couldn’t imagine myself doing it. The second option is already cancelled for some reasons. Let’s just say I just found out in an excruciating way that it’s not for me. But my silly self still wants to inculcate it in my career path.
I’m so attached to the first one right now, letting go is never an option. Letting it slide off my path will never happen because I see myself in it in the future. I’m safe here, why would I bother crossing that wobbly bridge.
But the problem is…there’s something missing. A tinge of color, a spark perhaps, I can’t tell. It’s really complicated. You see, when I imagine myself committing to the first one, I don’t feel excited nor fulfilled. I just know that there is something lacking, and I gotta find it out soon enough.
What I intend to do is to merge them three…and lo and behold, I don’t know how to start. All I know that, it’s a crazy and outrageous option! But usually, the happiest and the most successful people are the crazy and the outrageous ones!
I don’t know how on earth am I gonna pull that off! Or where in the world would I get resources and inspiration. I don’t even know what I’m truly passionate about. I don’t know what God is telling me that I’ve been ignoring, or I haven’t been starting doing. If let’s say I’ve got to solve my commitment issues, where would I use it? Fog of perplexity and dust of uncertainty seem to be blocking my view now to the answer.
Perhaps one principle that would swoosh off the fog and dust is risk-taking, a sidekick of commitment. I would be needing that if I decided to fly off to the answer. There is no sure thing in this world, thus one way of gauging a person’s aptitude is how he handles risks. This is one of my newest resolutions I’d want to venture, because you see how law of attraction is becoming too mainstream (lmaooo). My greatest leaps, notwithstanding their outcome, would soon define who I am. I’d love to take baby steps in practicing (calculated) risk-taking by living every day to the fullest, at my best.
Committing to a passion I’m willing to risk everything for. Difficult, terrifying and time-consuming, but worth a try.
