Live strong.

With great power comes great responsibility. Tweaking the responsibility assumption just a little bit, I would say that greater responsibility is more aptly partnered with greater freedom — in college specifically. With that given freedom and the back-to-basic curriculum, my very first semester in Ateneo was just a more forgiving transitional period  — an overlap, I must say — of my easy-breezy high school and the real fiery hell known as college.

Take note, back-to-basic and more forgiving don’t necessarily mean easy. Of all the transitional periods I’ve gone through so far, this would be the most unbearable…well almost thankfully. Let’s just say that my first taste of college life, on a personal note, dampened my astronomical pride way below sea level. I was shocked myself.

Since I’ve already written a midterm synthesis months ago, I will just type my heart out some realizations that were born on or before the (slightly diabolic) challenging finals.

Leverage can be entailed by coalescing two mediums. Restricting yourself to one medium in achieving  a goal can be a pain in the neck. In high school, you have learned how to dissect poems in pure English, or Filipino. College totally changed my paradigm in that facet of learning. My professor in Filipino is so effective in incorporating the two languages in our close-reading sessions. Because of his dire genius, I’ve got to discern the difference between the concrete earth and the abstract world; the similarities of glory (luwalhati) and grief (dalamhati); and the architecture and interiors of any literary work. Notwithstanding any letter grade I might get for this subject, I truly enjoyed Filipino 11 because of all these newfound insights.

I’d rather die than live in a postmodernistic world. There exists a movement beyond modernism — postmodernism; aside from the mindfuck it gave me, I’ve also got to learn how to chew its similarities and digest its differences. Both movement questions existence and provokes thought from thinkers of all specialties. If lethargy won’t overwhelm my willpower, I’d love to write a separate synthesis discussing this two interesting movements. But first, let me at least give you an overview.

‘I think, therefore, I am.’ Modernism is coined by Rene Descartes, believing that he knows nothing else but his ability to think. In contrast to medieval thinking of worship, this movement primarily concerns about identity, unity and certainty.  Modernist thinking focuses more on our inner selves and our deep-seated emotions, accompanied by a tinge of religious innuendo, or anything that shaped our identity. What paved the way to postmodernist thinking is believed to be Nietzche’s ‘God is dead,’ and ubermensch (superhuman) idealogies.

Nietzche believed that rooted from our civilization, man created the idea of a supreme being to represent truth, goodness and beauty; not only its serves as our source of faith but our authoritative law-giver as well. Thus, we should kill that restriction that shaped our character to become a superhuman, or a man-God — the real goal of humanity. Existence of deities is deemed to prevent mankind from practicing their freedom.

If the idea of supreme being is killed, the ideas of truth, goodness and beauty are also killed. Postmodernism, vis-a-vis, revolves around chaos and uncertainty. Everything is meant to be questioned. Everything is viewed beyond perspectives of a plane, but in a multitude of spaces. Do you really exist? Where do you exist? Is that really you in your FaceBook profile, or your alter-ego, or already someone else? Do you really own the money you put in your bank account, or does it belong to the bank now? Mind-boggling, thought-provoking questions like that are under the huge, developing umbrella of this movement.

I also enjoyed Literature class because aside from too much mindfuck, it helped me think critically. The most contrasting of things can be blended into coherent concoction. A drop of magic can emphasize reality in a work of fiction, vice versa. Both opposing modes are important because the purpose of literature anyway is both to entertain and to send a message across an audience. ‘dulce et utile’ (sweet and useful)

Hardwork is not enough. Math 11 class made me realize that you will only excel in something you love to do; and unfortunately, math is not one of them. It’s kind of obvious how I would prefer any subject over all kinds of Maths. No matter what I do and how long I study, I still get low grades because I kept on anticipating the class-ender bell every fucking session. I also think my test-taking skills are flawed. I should change this I know I know!! I should believe I’m good, better, best in Math! Slapped hard by reality, I just want to at least mentally train myself to love math, so it would reciprocate its love back by a higher mark.

Be aware. If Literature class helped me think deeper, English class helped me to think wider. English 11 class opened my eyes to relevant issues on global, national and local scales, from abandoned elephants in Kenya, feminist rights to the newfound cure on HIV. Because of this class, I’m considering to fulfill my resolution of browsing over journals and online newspapers like National Georgraphic and NY/LA Times during my pastime instead of lurking on nonsensical yet funny sites like 9gag. Aside from this, this class inspired me to improve on my craft more by appreciating others’ talents.

Be nice to other people. A simple act of kindness is reimbursed tenfold. Regardless of looks, brains, brawns, and social status, treat your colleagues equally nice and judgement-free, if you want to be treated the same. Right now, I want to detoxify myself from judging people too much; hence, this tops the list of my resolutions next semester. Teehee.

I may not able to achieve one of my main goals this sem; I planned to beat the odds next sem, notwithstanding a more elevated difficulty, by just keeping hope alive, and being better. My mantras for life!